community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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