there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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