he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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