I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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