she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
