if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i think i scared a bird with my dick
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
