Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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