I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
