I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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