Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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