how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
