Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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