And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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