dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
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Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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