i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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