Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
