I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
