There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
