On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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