In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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