Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
