New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
