I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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