You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
