you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
