dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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