And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
