Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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