Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
