I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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