Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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