I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
