I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
