C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
