sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
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We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
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I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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