In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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