question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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