I wannas sexs uuuuu
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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