I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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