So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
