Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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