If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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