i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
