My hair reeks of homosexuality.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
