you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
