So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
