you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
