just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm at about main and main street
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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