Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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