She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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