CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just found puke in my bra..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
