Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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