i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
