I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize