1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
