Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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