i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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