i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
