What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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