well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
