She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
