just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
