when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
