Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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