Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
