on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
what day is it and did you see me today?
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I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
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He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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