Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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