you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
