my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
