My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
