You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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