I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
