New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize