so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
