He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
